Thursday, December 6, 2012

Marshmallow Mateys!!! And something something running

Like an asparagus and liver dinner followed by an amazing ice cream cake dessert, lets get the bad stuff out of the way first and plow straight for the awesomeness. Needed a good run yesterday after the myriad of suck hit me like this. So, after having to do some work follow up when I got home, I took off. I altered my route to throw some new challenges in (Translation: huge hill and dark). What I did not account for the utterly glorious smell of the new pizza place, La Roccas and then Boss Hawgs a little further down the road. Of course, then I had to contend with the repugnant smell of our stagnant creek running through my route. Suffice it to say, I ran a little faster by that one.

Another fine attribute of this run is the lack of light. Nighttime running is really just the same as daytime running, only infinitely more exhilarating  terrifying. Anyone who lives in Topeka knows that our sidewalks and streets are about as smooth as Edward James Olmos' face. Basically, this means I am doing almost 8 miles of "please don't trip in front of hundreds of cars, or take a branch to the face".  I know, it's my own fault, but seeing as how it gets dark at like noon right now, it's my only option. Another glorious piece of last night's run was the insanely creepy 6 ft Santa standing in the window of some house. People want to be festive and that is OK, but really, do we need Santa Krueger staring all the passer byes down? And I am not talking about a festive, jolly, plastic Santa either, it was a old school, eyes glaring out of the closet, don't go in the basement alone, true piece of American holiday horror.  So again, I ran faster to save my soul. Thankfully, I made it home in one piece and without taking a sidewalk to the face. I know what you are saying right now, Edward, please stop looking creepily at me, so, let's move on.
I promised a fantastic bloggy dessert, so lets get to it. Marshmallow Mateys. For those of you who don't know, you need to find your nearest wal-mart, go to it, push the fat lady in 9 sizes too small leopard print spandex out of the way, and get you a bag. Get it home, open it, and bask in the best cereal purchase you have made to date.

First of all, this is just a knock off of Lucky Charms. They consist of puffs, some sort of hard pressed colored sugar thing that they call a marshmallow, and that's it. Nothing complicated. They come in bags from normal size to something resembling the 60 lb bags of Ol' Roy dog food you might buy for your Great Dane  And if you get anything less than 60 lbs of Mateys then you are probably making the wrong choice. Marshmallow Mateys follows some vaguely nautical theme. Lucky Charms has a Leprechaun chasing lucky items like hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of gold and rainbows, and a red balloon (You are damned right I remember that whole list). Mateys on the the other hand, has a Kangaroo (the most nautical of all pouched mammals) chasing some vaguely sea worthy bits. Let's see, we have anchors for the puffs, pretty obvious. The marshmallows on the other hand looks like my two year old designed things she had seen on one of her cartoons. There is something resembling a sun, a dolphin, a beached whale, a shark attack, and what I believe is a pirate hijacking. But who cares, they are colorful and pure sugar.

But the thing that really makes Mateys stand out isn't its lack of discernible sea-faring representations, oh no, it is it's ratio of puffs to marshmallows. Now all of us that had childhoods, and I am guessing that is most of us, remember that Lucky Charms fatal flaw was having way too many puffs and way too few marshmallows. Mateys on the other hand seem to be in the vicinity of 1:1. Now for those that didn't get 3rd grade math, that's freaking 1 puff to 1 marshmallow. Consider your mind blown. Now, that number is approximate, but yes, when I dunk my Sasquatch paw into the bag, I know I am getting some of the good stuff out of the bag. I dare you to tell me a better cereal experience than that!!!

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